This is more than fighting a dark and painful war.
It's fighting hundreds of mini battles every single day.
It's fighting battles often and from a place of defeat.
You take your stance physically but your mind clouds with
"What's the point? Wouldn't it better if I lost?"
It's fighting battles often and all alone.
Friends say "Run to me"
And you smile and promise to call when you need a soldier.
But in a strange way you'd rather fight alone. But not really.
Honestly, who drags their loved ones through war?
And who would join a bloody war?
Who would stand for the scarring without a cringe?
Who would stay by your side for those midnight battles forever?
And you wander towards the blade.
You want to fight, but
It's been so long
And you still don't know how.